The Contradictory Couple (Short Film Script)

What you’re about to read is an adaptation on Charles Dickens. Feel free to take the script and shoot it. Public domain and royalty free. If you do decide to take it and shoot it, send me a link to watch the finished product. I’d be interested to see how it is interpreted.

INT. LIVING ROOM - EVENING
SUPER: MONDAY OCTOBER 28th, 1929
The hands of the clock are stuck at 10:29 PM.
We hear the couple outside before we can see them.

CHARLOTTE (O.S.)

...a closet is not a room, therefore a closet door does not count as a door.

EDWARD (O.S.)
This isn’t a closet, it’s a wine cellar. A closet is not room because it does not have four walls. It is simply three walls, and a door. Do you agree with that?

CHARLOTTE (O.S.)
I agree that is an outlook one could have. That being said--

EDWARD (O.S.)
It has been said, therefore it is. End of discussion. That house has more than fourteen doors.

The lock on the door clicks.

CHARLOTTE

Let’s agree to disagree.

EDWARD

Do you hear that?

CHARLOTTE

No.

EDWARD
I didn’t say what you weren’t hearing yet.

CHARLOTTE
Yes, the clock isn’t...clocking.

EDWARD

Bard College, huh?

CHARLOTTE, 30’s, lets her hair down as she sits on the far end of the couch.

EDWARD, 30’s, has a jar of clear alcohol in his hand. He uses his free hand to hang his hat from the coat hanger.

CHARLOTTE
It’s the student, not the college. Bard was great for me. Where’d you go again?

EDWARD
Speaking of college, your mother asked me when we are having kids.

CHARLOTTE

And what did you say?

EDWARD
I truly said nothing.

Edward sets the jar on the table before heading over to the clock.

EDWARD (CONT’D)

Do you know the time?

CHARLOTTE
I believe it is night time. What did you tell my mother?

EDWARD
I pretended I didn’t hear her and wandered off. Can you check the clock in the other room?

Charlotte stands up and wanders off toward the kitchen.

EDWARD (CONT’D)

Charlotte? Are you checking the time?

Charlotte exits the room.

EDWARD (CONT’D)
I didn’t say I did the right thing. I was simply overwhelmed.

CHARLOTTE
It is eleven forty-seven.

EDWARD

Is that AM or PM?

Charlotte comes back into the room shaking her head.

EDWARD

Not funny?

Edward walks from the revived clock to the radio. He flips it on at a low volume then takes a seat on the couch.

CHARLOTTE
That sure was nice of Jenkins to give you a jar of his brand new brew.

EDWARD
It was Morgan who distilled this. Jenkins has a sense of patience that could be equated to that of a moth.

CHARLOTTE
Regardless, it was kind of Jenkins to give us this gift.

Charlotte begins removing her jewelry as Edward begins rolling his eyes.

EDWARD
I’m sure to Jenkins it was.

CHARLOTTE
An even greater gift would be a daughter for my mother.

EDWARD
I’ll just give Morgan’s moonshine a quick sample sip.

Edward opens the jar. He takes sniff and pulls away.

EDWARD (CONT’D)
I fear the fumes have burnt my nose buds.

CHARLOTTE

Doesn’t look so strong.

EDWARD
Drinks like this are exactly why they prohibited the sale of alcohol in the first place.

Charlotte begins to gently remove her bracelets and put them in a jewelry box sitting open on her lap.

CHARLOTTE
Do you think I should drink it first to make sure it’s safe for you?

EDWARD
I don’t think, I only act.

He takes a sip and immediately his throat closes and he begins to cough.

CHARLOTTE

Is it poisoned, dear?

EDWARD
I think it is the poison.

CHARLOTTE
Such a theatrical performance. If the market collapses, you’ll always have vaudeville.

He puts the jar down and admires his wife, while she is too distracted by her jewelry to notice.

EDWARD
I just had a thought--

He waits for Charlotte’s undivided attention.

CHARLOTTE
I was under the interpretation you didn’t think. Only act!

She continues to remove her necklaces.

EDWARD
You’ll disagree with anything I say, won’t you?

CHARLOTTE
Though I certainly disagree with that comment. How do you know I’ll disagree with everything?

EDWARD
You always disagree with me. Are you going to sit there and tell me you DON’T always disagree with me?

Charlotte turns toward Edward.

CHARLOTTE
I only disagree with you when you say things worth disagreeing with. Usually what you say is hardly worth responding to.

EDWARD
So, you’re saying you haven’t disagreed with me all day?

CHARLOTTE
I’ve done no such thing. You’ve just been incredibly disagreeable today.

Edward takes another sip from the jar and does his best not to cough.

The clock ticks, but never tocks. He takes a heavy sigh.

CHARLOTTE (CONT’D)
Oh? Have you run out of things for me to disagree with?

EDWARD
Never. I just burned a hole in my throat, is all.

Edward gets up to tend to the clock again.

CHARLOTTE
That would be seen as a sign by some. Not you, I’m sure.

EDWARD
Of all the obstinate, positively wrong-headed creatures that have ever been born, you are the most so, Charlotte.

CHARLOTTE
Of course. Of course! Have it your own way, by all means. You see how much I contradict YOU.

EDWARD
So you didn’t contradict me at dinner tonight? That wasn’t you?

Edward smacks the clock and it begins to tock again. He is shocked this technique worked. He turns and heads back to the couch.

CHARLOTTE

Well, I suppose--

EDWARD
Oh, so you did? You admit that much.

CHARLOTTE
If that’s what you want to call a disagreement, then yes. I disagreed with you. When you are wrong, I will be the first to point it out. It is my duty as wife to keep you from taking your high horse to work.

EDWARD
You still mean to say that in the Blackburns’ new house there are not more than fourteen doors, including the door of the wine cellar!

CHARLOTTE
I mean to say, that in that house -- there are fourteen doors and no more.

Edward looks at the jar of moonshine, but can’t risk another coughing outburst. The stakes are too high.

Charlotte tilts her head in anticipation of a response.

EDWARD
How can you be so wrong? This is enough to destroy a man’s intellect, and drive him crazy!

CHARLOTTE
I asked Jenkins, who was sitting next to me on the couch in the living room during charades --

EDWARD

You mean Morgan?

CHARLOTTE
I do not mean anything of the kind.

EDWARD
Now, by all that is aggravating and impossible to bare! You’re going to insist that Morgan IS Jenkins!

CHARLOTTE
Are you insinuating that I couldn’t tell the difference between Morgan and Jenkins? Do you take me for a perfect fool? Do you suppose I don’t know that the man in the blue coat was Jenkins?

EDWARD
Jenkins in a blue coat! This is a man that would rather be executed than wear anything that isn’t brown.

CHARLOTTE
Do you dare to charge me with telling an untruth?

EDWARD
I do! I charge you, Mrs. Charlotte Evelyne Mayrose. I charge you with being a monster of contradiction, a monster of aggravation, and a - a - Jenkins in a blue coat!? -What have I done to deserve the damnation of being doomed to hear such statements!

CHARLOTTE
I know there are only fourteen doors in that house! I know it was Jenkins and I know he had a blue coat on. I would say it as positively as I do now if they were the last words I had to speak!

There is no doubt they are very much attached to each other, and that they never quarrel except about trifles. But the contradictory couple never reflects.

Charlotte storms off, jewelry box in hand.

Edward takes a quick sip of the jar while Charlotte is out of the room, and suffers the consequences.

The most stupendous objects in nature are but vast collections of minute particles, so the slightest and least considered trifles make up the sum of human happiness or misery.

Edward turns the dial on the radio and some snappy jazz begins to play. He walks over to the sofa.

Charlotte walks back into the room and picks up the jar from the table.

CHARLOTTE (CONT’D)

It may burn on the sip, but the gesture of the gift is what matters.

EDWARD
That is an easy thing to say, having not taken a sip yet.

Charlotte snuggles up beside Edward. She goes to take a sip, but Edward stops her.

EDWARD (CONT’D)
I can’t, in good conscience, allow you to drink from that jar without giving you one more opportunity to reconsider. If this should end your life, just know that all-things- considered, I love you.

CHARLOTTE

Oh, you poor man.

She takes a sip and spits it back into the jar.

CHARLOTTE (CONT’D)
I was just tasting it, you see.

Edward gives her a soft kiss upon the forehead. She rests her head on his shoulder.

CHARLOTTE (CONT’D)
I heard my father talking to you at the party. Are we going to be okay?

EDWARD
Of course. We will be fine. We might end up wearing whiskey barrels for clothes, but we will be fine.

CHARLOTTE
Will I get a whiskey barrel, too?

EDWARD
I will work myself to death to ensure we both have whiskey barrels, but would you still love me if we had to share one?

Charlotte takes another sip from the jar. She swallows it this time, but not without some fanfare.

CHARLOTTE
I guess that would depend on how many doors it has.

Edward looks over to the clock. 11:59 PM.

EDWARD
The clock has stopped yet again. We’d be better off with an hour glass.

Edward gets up to fix the clock, but is stopped by Charlotte.

CHARLOTTE
Leave it for a bit. I’m not ready for tomorrow yet.

EDWARD
But tomorrow could be the day you wake up and know the difference between Morgan and Jenkins. I’d hate to miss that.

SUPER: TUESDAY OCTOBER 29, 1929 (BLACK TUESDAY)

THE END